SkyDaz Column.......

Last updated : 15 March 2007 By Darren Porter

And the next number in the sequence was? One. Well done to all those who got it right. The first correct answer out of the bulging postbag was from Josh in Great Barr and he wins £1 million, a Ferrari and an all inclusive fortnight for two in the West Indies watching the Cricket World Cup. Well done son. Pity the following number in the sequence was nil. Again.

I love Gary McSheffrey. Not in a Brokeback Mountain stylee although I do like what he's done with his hair. Makes him look so butch. I admired his initial reluctance to leave Coventry City, his boyhood club, and his instant desire to give his all to his new adopted home at St Andrews. I like the fact he scores with both feet and his head, I especially love that cultured, gifted left foot. There is something special about left footed players who caress the ball and can hit a shot at a hundred miles an hour. Right footed players are ten a penny and despite some of them being extremely talented they never look quite as majestic as left footed players. Don't ask me why.

If I could afford to get his name on the back of my Blues shirt I would. Instead I got 'Dunn'. I know he's left but it was cheaper.

On Friday night McSheffrey needed me. He needed me to go down onto the pitch put my arm round him and tell him how much we all love him and then to slowly guide him to the changing rooms for a nice hot shower and a Turkish massage. And a lap dance. Not from me though.

Some games it matters not how talented the individual is, it just doesn't flow and poor old Gary was clearly struggling to compete with the elements and the demons that were cruelly stealing his first touch. In the opening half he ran clear with only the keeper to beat and a few months ago would have dinked the ball precisely past the on rushing goal tender. At the moment though he wants an extra touch because he is unsure and is trying so hard to compensate. Previously he was playing on natural ability and now he is playing on exhaustion, both mental and physical.

There is no blame apportioned to Steve Bruce for McSheffrey's struggle on Friday night. In his shoes you would always pick your best players and Macca is definitely one of them. However it was obvious that Macca was finding the going difficult and the longer the game went on with him being frustrated the higher the risk of losing him either to injury or discipline. His passing started to go even further awry and even on the St Andrews battlefield he struggled to control a ball that died a natural death on landing.

His final act involved another poor piece of control from a very tired man who desperately needed a break. Well now he has got one. There can be no argument about the red card despite the minimal amount of contact and his withdrawal should have been a blessing for all concerned. Ok we lose one of our better players but young McSheffrey will come back with a new vigour and fitness just when we need him most.

Also the likes of DJC have warranted a starting berth and have been frustrated by the elevation of Vine to the first team. Jerome has also been positive and looked lively when introduced to the fray. Rowan Vine has shown in the last few games what a good asset he will be in the run in. Just when you need a fresh pair of legs and a player who is prepared to work hard but also to pop in important goals we have Vine.

So in general things are looking promising.

What's that coming over the hill? Is it Forssell? Whoa mule. Remember the Albino Assassin? Oh my word imagine if he came back fit and half as good as he was before he got injured and fat. Bruce would then have to pick strikers from Bendtner, DJC, Jerome, Vine, Forssell, Trevor Aylott, Carl Richards and Mark Sale. Almost Brazilian.

Speaking of South America one of the finest goals I ever saw was by Maradona v England in the Mexico World Cup. Goal number two, not one. The only reason he scored that goal is because it was against good old England. Anyone else would have broke him in two on the halfway line. The Uruguayans, the Peruvians, the French, even the American Samoans would have stopped the owner of the Hand of God at the start of his mazy run. It seems churlish to compare Huckerby with Maradona but the same principle applies. Boot him up the stands fifty yards from goal. No problem. The tackles made on him were akin to those in my ten year old daughter's tag rugby game.

The Boggies got thumped by the Dingles. It sounds like a sketch from a Beano comic. No one outside of the Black Country normally gives a rat's faeces about the outcome of these inbreds and their inability to communicate except in grunts. This season is a little different as both are in the leading pack for promotion. The gold and black have moved neatly onto the shoulders of the early runners and despite not having a single player worth a mention have somehow contrived to become half decent. A lot of credit must go to Mad Mick for his hitherto unknown management skills. Tony 'Interesting' Mowbray has an altogether more expensive and well known squad at the Hawthorns from the ex Villa striker Phillips to the odious thug Robinson.

The Blues stroll into the highest ground above sea level in the UK and quite frankly another 1-0 win will more than suffice. In fact bugger it, let's win every game to the end of the season 1-0. That way not only will we be promoted but you and I can win some money betting on the correct score. Happy days.

Incidentally not sure what happened last week but I haven't sat down for a few days as my backside feels like it's been on the end of an anal probe. I have had strange dreams about playing football with Bendtner and McSheffrey as well. On a mountain. In cowboy outfits. With only mushrooms to live on. Anyone know what it means?

Keep right on. Nanu nanu.