Despite horrendous weather lasting months, grass grows perfectly and football pitches are like carpet… physical contact is removed from the game… and there's only a goal at one end of the pitch - the one that Arsenal are attacking!
Wouldn't life be wonderful in Wenger-world?!
Probably, but it doesn't exist you whinging French p***k.
Welcome to the real world where some football pitches, after a long, hard winter, are going to be a bit bobbly. Welcome to the real world where opposition players are just as entitled to clatter your players as your players are entitled to clatter them. Welcome to the real world where sometimes you're not going to have things all your own way.
Two years ago it was William Gallas who publicly lost all adult faculties and behaved like a three year old child who'd had his favourite toy lorry taken away from him. This time, to much hilarity, it was Arsene Wenger.
Arsenal are a fantastic, wonderful footballing side, blessed to have such an array of talented footballers at their disposal - the majority of whom are under 24 years of age too. However, their manager is a complete embarrassment. He likes to present himself as something of a professor - some kind of pseudo-intellectual manager rather than the tracksuited ex-player. However, his behaviour and his comments completely contradict that image. You'd like to think that a few days later he reflects on what he's said or done and considers that, just maybe, he'd been a little silly. I bet he doesn't though.
In fact, that was highlighted by the fact that pre-match, undoubtedly prompted by reporters, but nonetheless, he mentioned the fact that he hadn't forgiven Martin Taylor for ACCIDENTALLY breaking Eduardo's leg two years ago. Of course that was going to get brought up - fair enough. It was to be expected. However, Wenger's comments did nothing to present an image of a man looking forward rather than backwards.
Then, during the game, he spends 93 minutes throwing the mother of all strops on the touchline, arms flailing all over the place like Liam Ridgewell on acid. In the first fifteen minutes two Arsenal players were booked for, wait for it… bookable offences! How unjust! Oh, cruel world!
And what next? Someone dares to tackle Cesc Fabregas?! How very dare they?! This would never happen in training! Craig Gardner is no better than that butcher Taylor. What a disgrace. Did I see Denilson almost snap Gardner in half in a different challenge? "I'm sorry. I didn't see it."
The guy is a laughing stock, which is exactly what he became when the Blues fans mocked his every move with the genuinely funny "Let's all do a Wenger!" song and dance. It was brilliant. To have a crowd cheering him every time he got up from his bench, exasperated again by the referee's latest correct decision, painted him in exactly the light that it should have - no better than a pantomime villain.
I love watching Arsenal - I really do. There is no "right way" to play football, but if there was, it'd be Arsenal's way. If God was a football fan, he'd have a season ticket at the Emirates. They're great. Each year, when it gets to January or February and it appears that Blues are no longer in the hunt for the Premier League title, I always want Arsenal to go on and win it. I used to love Bergkamp and Henry and Vieira and Jeffers and Petit and Reyes and Overmars, etc. I currently love Fabregas and Arshavin and Wilshere and Ramsay. They're great. Their manager is making them look stupid though. Absolutely stupid. My admiration for the team is being eroded by that one-eyed moron.
People talk about Alex Ferguson being one-eyed and arrogant. He's not in the same league as Wenger. He is Rochdale to Wenger's, well, Arsenal. About eight weeks ago Nani was sent off against the Villa. Ferguson's reaction, when quizzed? "It was a red card. No argument." Can you imagine Wenger arriving at such a conclusion? His head would explode before all the words could come out of his mouth. His ability to be irrational, illogical and generally lie must be ingrained.
To lambast teams for being physical against his side is frankly one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard, and I've heard some ridiculous things. This is the man who has presided over a side with over 75 red cards in his ten years or so in charge. Bizarre. Astonishing. His team, in the past, has included the likes of Nigel Winterburn, Tony Adams, Martin Keown, Patrick Vieira, Emmanuel Petit, Fabregas and Robin van Persie. There's a few players who like to put their foot in. Or their elbow. Or their knee. He has become an embarrassment of a man, and frankly, I can't be arsed to talk about him anymore.
For Blues, another fine result in a season of fine results. At St Andrews, in recent months, Chelsea, Manchester United, Arsenal, Manchester City, Spurs and Everton have all been. None of them have left with a win. That's a fantastic acheivement.
Here, in the first half, Blues bossed the game. Barry Ferguson and Lee Bowyer were both excellent in midfield.
As the second half wore on, Arsenal began to get on top as Blues appeared to visibly tire. Arshavin and Samir Nasri came on (imagine having those two on your bench??) for the ineffective Theo Walcott and the quiet Tomas Rosicky, and Blues were really up against it.
Nasri's fine strike appeared to knock the stuffing out of Blues and it was actually Arsenal who looked more likely to get the second. For the first time Arsenal were creating good chances and should have finished Blues off. Recently, when behind, Blues have always looked like they could get back in the game. Here, it didn't look like that.
However, they did.
Credit should go to Roger Johnson for causing a problem in the air and then retaining the second ball. He wasn't then wasteful either, and kept the ball rather than knocking it forward aimlessly. Gardner clipped a ball inside that Bacary Sagna cleared into Kevin Phillips' nose. The ball looped into Manuel Almunia's hands, and the Spaniard/Englishman then pushed the ball over his head in to the side netting for a deserved equaliser for Blues.
Blues deserved a draw for their performance over the 90 minutes, and could have got more out of it. Arsenal finished fairly strongly though, and were close to making it 2-0.
All in all, a draw was a fair result though and you couldn't argue with it. Unless you're blind.
Or a French manager.
