It will soon be SATS exams so here to assist the youth of today is a little basic mathematics. For those of you incapable of recognising the advantages of selling 28,000 tickets at £20 as opposed to 18,000 tickets at £30 feel free to skip this bit and move on a few paragraphs.
You are the manager of a football team. How many goals do you need to score to win a game even if the opposition score a solitary late goal? Tricky so I will allow the use of calculators, mobile phones, fingers and even thumbs if you are a Villa fan and found this quiz by mistake.
We don't score enough goals. We don't score enough goals. We don't score enough goals.
Oh I don't care that Smelly Logan had the game of his life or that he should have been sent off or that their equaliser was handball, stop moaning! Score the goals, play the opposition off the park and send the deserving multitudes home with something to smile about.
Leicester defended deep and were difficult to break down. Wow newsflash. Here's another one, big dogs bite.
Cardiff's goal difference is plus fourteen, ours is plus three. They are top of the league because they deserve to be there, everyone is waiting for their bubble to burst but what if it doesn't? In May will we still be moaning about our lack of luck?
Apart from goals the biggest difference is that Cardiff look like scoring, they create chances, when they play their fans always believe that they will score. The reason we lost out to Pompey in the run in last season was that they were capable of getting goals. In the last but one game they went one behind early on but everyone knew that with the players and the style they would get chances and if you create enough eventually the ball goes in the net.
Bruce has been lucky this season. He has. He has been lucky that one of the late loan signings has found his feet quickly and proved he has the potential to be one of the best strikers in the world. Playing for the Blues will improve Bendtner's game. Look at the complete and utter lack of movement when we attack and you will realise how much he has to do on his own.
When you watch a quality side like Arsenal, Barcelona etc the guy with the ball looks up and his team mates run in all directions looking for space, looking to make runs, looking to help out. When a Blues player gets the ball often the only option is to play backwards, then sideways and then roll it back to Taylor to hoof up the pitch. Where are the one twos? Where are the triangles? Where is the neat passing movement to free a striker? One touch, two touch, hoof. Sometimes section two is missed out as well.
Second in the table and moaning, what's the matter with us? Either you want results or you want entertainment? You can't have both, not even for thirty quid. I don't know why but you can't.
McSheffchenko looked to have won the game but as stated earlier such a fragile lead is always just that. Elvis left the bench and drove us to heartbreak hotel. I wish I knew a lot of other Elvis tracks so I could appear really clever and knowledgeable but I don't. Sorry. Roll on the day when someone called Radiohead Hammond scores and I can launch into what a lucky creep he was (two there!) and that the Karma Police should investigate the result etc.
According to the stats the Blues had twelve shots and seven of those were by McSheff. So that means the other ten players shared five pots at goal between them. Go do the maths. Thumbs allowed, and that's not a new girl band managed by Len Fairclough.
We have a week off for international duty. The boys are playing the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. Give us an ‘F', give us an ‘O', ……
You will be glad to know that a certain section of the media still have the ability to recognise talent. As such I will be appearing on Paul Franks's Football Forum on BBC Radio WM Friday at 6pm. I cannot promise you any pearls of wisdom, not even a pearl necklace but I will do my best to promote our wonderful club. It is ours you know, it belongs to us.
Keep right on. All the way to 95.6FM. You know it makes sense but best have a few beers first, just in case.