I've been away. Not in prison I'm glad to say. I'm far too pretty to survive for long behind bars. Not on holiday either I'm sad to say. You didn't even notice I was gone did you? Who needs SkyDaz when you have the finest match reports in the UK from Ron and the insider trading from Dax Diggler? The readers of SingingtheBlues and Made in Brum are truly blessed. So much so that I took a week off to charge the batteries for the final assault on Mount Premier.
I had some relatives from Vancouver Island, Canada, come to stay over the last week. They came to this fair city via the bright lights of glowing Sellafield, the barge fest of Amsterdam and a sortie to the pretend Theatre of Dreams, Old Trafford, a must-see for travelling football (soccer?) fans the world over. And which game did these antipodeans witness? The incredible 7-1 molestation of Roma on a night when England had every right to be proud.
With a heavy heart I explained the importance of our little match against the Wolves and hoped they understood enough about football to realise that there is a world of difference between the giants of Europe and two teams who aren't even the best in their own county.
I showed them my A-Z of Birmingham with all the pages falling out to emphasise the proximity of the two teams. I admitted that Manchester was not included but was in fact just a little north of Cannock.
At midday we were stood outside the pub with our faces against the glass pleading with the manager to let us in before kick off.
I strategically placed them out of range of any beer that would be thrown in the unlikely event of anyone scoring. Warm beer and pork scratchings were provided and I perched myself at the front of everyone on the edge of the pool table.
The first half was beyond all expectations as both sides went for death or glory and Colin Doyle played like his life was at stake. He was like a magnet for the ball just like I am a magnet for chicks. In fact that's not true. Not even close. He was magnificent.
I was chuffed. My visitors had witnessed a quality forty five minutes and I was proud of the fizzy pop league.
Cue the second half and Andrew Cole hooked the ball home to open the scoring. Cue manic celebrations and lots of waving across the room. Not long afterwards the gold and blacks nodded home an equaliser and half the pub went silent. The other half erupted.
Cue a puzzled Canadian,'If there aren't any Wolves fans in here why are so many people cheering when they score?' No need for me to explain that one to you about a pub in Great Barr!
A few moments later and the same pink and blue section went wild again and the Blues were staring defeat in the face. By the way the same pink and blues were still in the pub when their own game kicked off a few hours later despite my insistence that by looking at Villa Park there were possibly one or two tickets left.
The Bendtner header was special and enough for me to take my friends home happy. The Jerome finish was sublime as he must have heard half of Birmingham imploring him to pass. 3-2 and time had almost eroded.
Just enough left though for a soft penalty to complete the day. This was accompanied by the largest cheer of the afternoon from the armchair pink brigade closely followed by an eruption of celebration from the Blues supporters and a barrage of beer, cheese sandwiches and chips. Thank you Colin Doyle for lying on the floor and patiently waiting for the penalty kick to arrive.
Tip top entertainment and a wonderful day was had by all. Hopefully those pesky Canadians will have forgotten about the United - Roma match and on their next visit will pester me to take them to the new Theatre of Dreams. Not Molineux! St Andrews.
The finishing line is in sight. Three of us are going round the last bend in touch with each other. Two are going to kick on to glory and one is going to squat and have a piss.
I feel sorry for whoever gets the Wolves because they played very well indeed and deserve a lot of credit for their part in one of the games of the season.
Let's miss the play offs and by this time next week be guaranteed promotion. That way thousands of us won't feel bad about not getting tickets for the Preston match.
Keep right on. Paddles at the ready.