SkyDaz On Fulham

Last updated : 19 January 2005 By Darren Porter

Fortunately (?) I was spared the embarrassment of attending Sky’s Monday Night Show following the Charlton match. I say fortunately for a number of reasons. Firstly we were poor and gave away daft goals. Secondly I wouldn’t have to answer the inevitable questions regarding Robbie Bloody Savage and find appropriate words suitable for broadcasting to describe the rancid Welsh greedy lying ungrateful deceitful odious pony tailed over- rated two-faced insincere tw*t.

The passion felt by the fans is, in truth, a reflection of the importance he has played in our success. By success I mean survival. Often on these occasions I wave the departing player goodbye and wish them all the best. For Robbie Bloody Savage I hope he gets relegated with Blackburn, their pitiful support deserves no better, and then their victory in signing him will be pyrrhic.

On Sunday night I watched Real Madrid and saw the Great Dane Graveson make his debut. He was the Everton equivalent of Robbie Bloody Savage and it set me wondering what if (I know this is stretching the imagination a touch but bear with me here!) at the last minute Real Madrid had decided that Scabbage was a better option than Graveson?

Try explaining that one to the parents?

Speaking of which, having heard Scabbage being interviewed, I wonder how keen his parents are that he is moving closer to them? I would imagine he has some marvellous insights into the problems of the Third World and the future for nuclear power. The cold winter evenings will just fly by in Sunny Wrexham. His poor parents will also have to consider the fact that he is now despised by just about everyone. There are undiscovered tribes in the Amazon Rainforest who sing abusive songs regarding the big nosed Afghan hound!

I can picture the elderly health challenged old duffers ducking down behind the settee every time they see his bright yellow Lamborghini swerve into the street (or whatever ostentatious garish vehicle becomes his latest fashion accessory!)

Pre match v Charlton I picked Murphy and Bartlett out as men to watch. One for his emergence from a difficult time to become a quality midfielder and the other for being mercurial! The mercurial tag was justified as he tried hard to shoot wide from a yard out and was later shown how to miss in style by Terribly!

There have been rumblings about Maik Taylor for over a year now. Standing on his line and making a save he is excellent but anything else and he scares the hell out of me. He doesn’t come for crosses and is uncomfortable communicating with the defence. On many occasions the ball bounces towards our goal chased by defenders and attackers and Taylor waits for someone to make a decision whereas due to the panoramic view he enjoys that choice should be his.

There is no point going through every goal and apportioning blame but if you look at Newcastle’s opening goal a few weeks ago, in what was an all round poor first half performance, it sums up Taylor’s goalkeeping, The cross that Ameobi headed home was approximately three yards from the goal line, the vast majority of keepers throughout the leagues would have claimed that cross. Taylor prefers to stay on his line and have the confidence to save whatever is thrown at him, but prevention is the best cure, stop the shot in the first place and there is no need to be heroic.

The first goal conceded at Charlton was a farce. The goalkeeper has to follow the track of the ball all the way and if it is diverted by an attacker (or defender) he has to produce what he is paid for, a save. Steve Bruce was rightly annoyed as this immediately put us under the cosh and forced a change in tactics. The lads did well to get back in the game with Super Mario’s bullet header but poor defending cost us dearly and the third goal came when we were chasing the game.

The ineludible truth is that we were not good enough to beat an average Charlton side. It is pointless being dolorous over such results and the post match scrutiny was futilitarian. The same can be said about the Scabbage saga. It is time to move on and support the players who are still there and doing their best for the team.

The club have been linked with numerous players, as usual, and some are speculative and some are genuine candidates to wear the coveted blue shirt. By the time you read this Liverpool’s Salif Diao will be the player given the task of filling Scabbage’s white boots. Now before you all rant about him not being the right man for the job based upon the few minutes you have seen on MoTD remember how many of you were cynical about the Heskey signing. I would imagine Brucie has canvassed Emile on the subject of Diao and again it is only a loan until the end of the season. Have faith my children!

Perhaps Brucie has decided, like I mentioned a few weeks ago, to pretty much stick with what he has got and raid the transfer market in the summer. David Dunn is only a few weeks away from fitness (again!) and Blake’s seven is keen to make an impression. The current squad, fully fit, is good enough to put us in mid table.

Matches against Fulham should always be played after the watershed. They are an ugly side and last Sunday’s game against the equally hideous Albion was like the fight scene from The Lord of the Rings. The Cottagers were awful and the Baggies were very unfortunate not to win the three points.

Their current danger man is Papa Bouba Diop aka ‘The Wardrobe’. He has a knack of notching important and spectacular goals despite looking like Grace Jones. Every team has their Scabbage and after Bolton’s El Hadj Diouf we welcome that other odious lummox Luis Boa Morte. We can only hope he doesn’t play as well as Diouf did as we can ill afford to drop more points at home. This match is followed by another home game against the very beatable Saints and six points should be the target as subsequent games against Manchester United and Liverpool will be tough.

Finally Dullard fan watch. The strange thing about this section is that many Blue noses who sit near me are so paranoid that this is dedicated to them that they have started standing up to scream abuse and then sitting down just as quickly when they realise I might be listening. One poor fellow even approached me, egged on by his mates, and implored me to confess that he was the dullard fan. I had to disappoint him! I was not going to include this little beauty, as the dullard fan will surely know who is he is, because only one person in the ground could have come out with this cracker and as I said before, he may be a dullard but he’s a big dullard!

A few minutes into the match against Bolton the right footed Terribly playing at left back curled a pass out of play. Dullard stormed to his feet and shouted ‘Tebily, if you’re a left back I’m a …. (cue long pause of about ten seconds stuttering as the hamster tried to jump back on the wheel) monster!’ and then he proceeded to roar like Godzilla to demonstrate said creature! Comedy genius, I wish I could make these up.

Keep Right On and carpe diem.