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Last updated : 16 September 2005 By Darren Porter

It’s like a knitting pattern. Win one lose one.

Quiz time: Once Heskey hobbled off and they scored could you honestly (be honest now, that’s the point here) see us scoring two? Could you really?

There has been a lot of moaning regarding the lack of atmosphere and even a revolutionary army has been raised in order to promote singing and support (desperate times = desperate measures). The substitution of Emile and the reversal to Plan B (I guess there was a Plan B!) completely knocked the wind of the crowd.

I guess that as I didn’t start singing and ‘raising the roof’ I somehow joined the petit bourgeoisie. Pity really as I always fancied being a latter day Che Guevara complete with a goatee beard and flat cap worn stylishly to the side with a big Havana cigar sending wisps of smoke eloquently around my beatnik bonce.

No folks I’m sorry to say that I slumped in my seat and awaited the inevitable one nil defeat that duly followed. I accept that we played well in the second half and I certainly concede that a draw would have been a fair result BUT there is no way I could ever imagine that we would score two goals. Sorry but I didn’t.

Jarosik and Butt were very good in midfield, DJ played well in both positions that he occupied and the front two worked enormously hard but goals nay chances were in short shrift. A Pennant free kick and an Upson header were about the best two. Neither hit the target.

This is frustrating. We have assembled the finest collection of players in the history of Birmingham City FC and yet we play for ninety minutes against Charlton, no great side, and fail to trouble their goalkeeper, who incidentally, I have never heard of before! Something is wrong.

Ok ok I know Heskey went off, and Melchiot hasn’t started a game yet and Dunn is due back from injury blah blah blah but that could always be the case for the rest of the season. What if Emile’s injury was like Nafti’s? What if the Mario of last season never came back? What if Dunn’s back goes back? What next?

We cannot panic as it is too early in the season but there are clearly failings in the team and areas that need improvement, before we get cast adrift. Hang on it’s not too early to panic. Saturday we are away to the sailor boys, then home to the European Champions Liverpool, away to Arsenal, home to Villa (can’t come quick enough!), away to Blackburn, home to Everton, away to Newcastle etc etc etc. Number of points on a postcard to the usual address.

Whichever game of the ones mentioned above you thought we would get three points from do a little test on yourself. Give the opposition an early goal lead and take Heskey off the pitch. Think any different?

Of the supposed relegation fodder the Baggies are off and running and certainly look stronger than last season, Wigan won at the Albion, the Hammers hammered the Villa, Newcastle have bought Owen, Pompey won at Everton and so on. Except for Sunderland of course. Forget them. At least for this week.

This is going to be a tough season. The Blues are a microcosm of the England team. On paper a damn fine looking team but in practise feeble, misguided and impotent. A bit like myself.

Sod the review of the Pompey match I’m off to go and watch some cricket.

Keep Right On my comrades and come the revolution I’ll be at the vanguard of the movement in charge of cookies and dancing girls. Cheers.