First of all (and as a special treat for Bluetitch) – BRUCIE WATCH! I bumped into the Great Man just before kick off at the burger van, where he was half way through a Belly Buster Greasy Special with Cheese. Clearly a physique like Brucie’s can only be honed and maintained via a strict regime of white bread, lard, processed cheese slices and gristly beef. I congratulated him on Sunday’s result against the Viler. Through a mouthful of sludge he mumbled “cheers – it’s all in a day’s work”. He then proceeded to spend the remainder of his time chatting with little kids and juggling his burger with various tatty scraps of paper being proffered for autographs. Somehow I can’t picture Dierdre O’Leary or Trevor Francis spending their evenings standing in the rain at a burger bar chatting with scruffy-arsed kids. Vive le difference! Francis rarely bothered to come and watch the reserves, let alone speak with mere mortals like me.
Both teams lined up with young sides – Blues entirely consisting of Academy kids, with the Toffees side broadly similar but with the addition of Richard Wright and Steve Watson. Blues started the brighter and kept Everton pinned in their own half for most of the first 20 minutes. During this spell, Blues took the lead and a very fine goal it was, too – right winger Nick Wright picked up a loose ball in his own half, ghosted past three players and laid the ball off to Peter Till who sprinted towards the box. Davion Hamilton was making a good run behind the defenders and looked to be the obvious choice of pass but Till instead spotted Matt Birley in space, operating as a makeshift left winger. Till received the ball and picked out Wright who had continued his run to the back post where he had a free header into the net. Possibly the best worked goal I’ve ever seen the reserves score.
The goal enlivened an otherwise quiet first 45 minutes. The game, whilst being played in a decent spirit was littered with free kicks being awarded by the competent referee. Mr McIntosh of Lincs. The crowd was pretty sparse and I think most attendees were, like myself, emotionally drained and sore-throated after Sunday’s vocal extravaganza aimed at those poor saps in claret and blue. The usual backdrop of metallic thumps from the Land Rover press shop was also absent – presumably they’re not working an afternoon shift in the press shop at the moment, owing to low orders. Blues were generally on top and Everton were having trouble finding a way past the solid central defence partnership of Oji and Painter, reducing them to speculative 30 yard efforts, the best of which was a fine free kick from the impressive central defender Eddy Bosnar which fizzed just wide of the post.
I quite like Everton. They always seem to be a ‘proper’ football club to me, with proper supporters, real people. The difference between them and Liverpool reminds me of the difference between Man City and Man Utd or us and the Vile. The difference between them and us is, of course, the fact that they’ve actually managed to win stuff. Maybe that’s mis-set expectations a bit, though, and their players and fans tend to get a bit arsey when things don’t go right. Tonight their players seemed to whinge a lot at the officials whenever a decision went against them, as if to say “that’s not right – you can’t give that free kick. We’re Everton, y’know. Dixie Dean used to play for us”. This Everton reserve team was certainly a lot better to watch than the last one I saw which was a bunch of kids plus Duncan Ferguson. The tactic was to lump every single ball 60 yards into the air, give Dunc time to get his head to it and then all the kids charge towards Dunc to scrap for the rebound. Youth Development this wasn’t. Tonight they played much more football and tried to keep the ball moving around on the ground.
Half time 1-0. A fine Bovril accompanied by a downpour from the heavens.
Second half was a different affair altogether. Everton got on top and stayed there. The Blues kids seemed to tire and Everton laid siege to the Blues goal where James Dormand had a solid game, making a few good stops and coming out confidently for his crosses. His kicking was a little askew, with one particular effort landing smack on the roof of the ladies’ portaloo, inside which some poor lady was having a quiet Tom Tit and a read of her Womans Weekly when there was suddenly a great boom from the roof as the ball hit it. Personally I feel there should be a points system to reward such endeavours, much as there’s a countback system in golf. Perhaps in the event of a draw, the result could be decided on which team has had most success in alarming people in the khazi? Just a thought.
Anyway, as I say, Everton were on top. Blues efforts were increasingly reduced to hopeful punts upfield which were consumed with gratitude by the defensive partnership of Bosnar and Anthony Gerrard (I don’t know if he’s a relative of Stephen). They had an impressive midfielder who, the teamsheet informed me, was called Bjarni Vidarsson. Now this I very much doubt. Bjarni Vidarsson, one would reasonably expect, should be a blond Nordic giant reminiscent of certain malfunctioning Viler types but no, this fella was a hefty black lad with platted hair. I’m sure I heard his team mates call him Dion. So, Dion or Bjarni, whoever you are, you may travel home this evening on Everton’s splendid and luxurious team bus, safe in the knowledge that IP Freely Rates You!
No surprise when Everton deservedly equalized. Messy goal, though. A bit of a goalmouth scramble, leading to the ball ricocheting off a couple of Blues players before landing at the feet of some startledd chap who found himself two feet from an open goal. I reckon even Juan Pablo Angel would’ve (well may have) scored it. Carlton Cole would have put it over the crossbar. Lee Hendrie would have claimed it had fouled him.
Blues tried to come back and win the game, with the winger Nick Wright having the best couple of chances, both of which were well saved by his cousin Richard in the Toffees’ goal. The game ended 1-1, which was probably a fair result in what I shall call ‘a game of two halves’.
Everton: R Wright, S Wright, Wilson, Bosnar, Gerrard, Plessis, Watson, Vidarsson (Harris, 46), Vaughan, Anichebe, Boyle (Hopkins, 72). Subs not used: Hughes, Gallagher, Phelan.