View from down under... I'm getting excited

Last updated : 23 February 2011 By Mark Nicholson

I know it’s not the Cup Final but still, it is a Cup Final. So yes I’m excited. The closest I can get in my life experience is as a nervous 17 year old at the night club over the back of B’ham airport. Walking nervously towards my chosen prey weighing up the options. Am I going to get a slapped face? Am I going to get a dance? Am I going to get breakfast?

The truth was I never really expected breakfast so I was rarely disappointed. I rarely chose prey in my league so I was always incredibly surprised to find myself eating breakfast. And even then would find myself hoping the eggs that I was eating weren’t the only unfertilised eggs in the vicinity. I don’t expect that as we approach the weekend's Wembley Disco to see us eating breakfast. I at best expect a couple of dances and really just pray that we don’t get our faces slapped too hard.

Nevertheless, despite the slapped face being more likely than the breakfast I am still very, very excited. Okay my mates will all have a go at me for the slapping and tell me I shouldn’t be playing out of my league. But there is glory to be had in an expected slap. Your mates expect you to get slapped. So if by chance you avoid the slap find yourself pushing your luck in the slow dances you have as good as won. And who knows there just might be unfertilised eggs.

Now sit on Wengers side of the fence. Please if you will stretch your imagination way beyond most humans’ capability and imagine Arsene as the prettiest girl at the disco. Yes I know it’s a hard stretch. I can only imagine a cross between Lily savage and Dame Edna. But stay with me here. Because that’s what he is. Now on Sunday some Big Cockney idiot called Leyton O’riot of horrendous ugliness came into the Highbury disco. He flirted with Arsene, danced with Arsene, made Arsene pay for the drinks. And then left after much groping and tonsil surfing went on. Leaving Arsene frustrated and strangely unfulfilled. Now if by some sad and bad scenario that Pottery lothario Tony Pullthis was to pull off something similar Ilk on Wednesday evening. Well, this would be very sad for me as it will make our visit so much harder if Arsene has his guard up. So here is to Tony getting a slapping. It would be nice though if in the slapping they could manage to steal Arsene’s Pursee, knock over his Brut 33 Fabregas and spoil his favourite Song. Well we could just be enjoying Breakfast on Monday!